A True Story as I Recall It

Jamie was a tiny young blonde wearing a blue dress that matched her eyes and some heels that made her a little taller than she actually was. This was the first time she had ever been to a bar. It was her 21st birthday and this was a celebrity bar. River Phoenix died in the stairwell when his wave of fame abruptly swallowed him in the form of a drug overdose. The band did their thing and she bounced around in the front to the rhythm. She was with an older man who sat in the booth near the stage drinking manhattans. They periodically exchanged gestures over the roar of the guitars and drums. She returned to the booth held her nose and took a sip of an apple martini, made a bad face and put it back down.

Niles sat in the booth behind them trying to explain why he had nude photos of a couple of people he was sitting with.

“Well. We went skinny dipping… and it was just a photo opportunity.”

“You shouldn’t have sent them to me! Now I feel really uncomfortable around you right now.”

The waitress came over and made it clear that this booth was reserved and she would only let them sit there until someone with more importance showed up and that they had to order drinks from her. A few rounds of drinks later someone more important did show up and they got evicted from the booth. A new band went on and Niles stood around trying to talk over the music. The man in the booth with the young girl motioned at him to come over.

“I’m kinda fucked up right now, but can you dance?” he asked in a slight southern drawl.

“What?” said a puzzled Niles.

“Well you see. It is my daughter’s birthday tonight and I thought it’d be nice if she had somebody to dance with…” he nodded in Jamie’s direction.

“Oh. I get it.” said Niles. “Sure.”

He sat down and introduced himself briefly before taking her by the hand. She was at least 2 feet shorter than he was and he soon realized that he couldn’t really dance to this music either but when you ask a woman to dance you at least finish one song. They returned to the booth and sat down. She was now gripping his arm tightly and her father was ordering another round.

“I was in Vietnam. I had to quit drinkin’ ‘cause it brought it all back. But I’m having a few tonight.”

“Wow. You don’t look that old.”

“I was a P.O.W.. Do you know what an AK-47 is?” said her dad as he removed his entire top set of teeth.

“I’m cold. Put your arm around me.” said Jamie.

“Out of 80 of us only 4 of us survived.”

“Wow.” said Niles again dumbfounded.

“I gotta go take a piss. Keep and eye on her for me would you?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

They tried to make some small talk but it was really loud and she had a small voice. Niles wasn’t sure what he was doing. She just kept blinking big blue eyes at him and he took a big gulp of his 5th drink.

“You seem like you wanna say something.” She said.

“No. I think I wanna kiss you.” He said as he leaned in casually.

She pulled back at first but then awkwardly kissed him once and then again this time with more confidence and a little bit of tongue.

“That was my first kiss.”

“From me.”

“No. Ever.”

“What? That’s impossible!”

“No it really was my first kiss.” She insisted, “I mean outside of family.”

“Show me your ID.”

1984 was the year clearly printed on her identification. Niles breathed a slight sigh of relief that he had not just tried to make out with a juvenile.

“Show me yours.” She said.

Niles reached for his wallet but the place his drivers license should have been was empty. Instead he produced a card that read:

“fuckitall.com – founder”

“I’ve been home schooled most of my life. Do you want my number or what?”

“Sure.” He said as he began punching numbers into a cell phone.

“When are you going to call me?” she asked anxiously.

“Right now.” He said as something in her purse started to ring.

Her dad returned, the band finished, and the lights came on sequentially. A bartender was shouting and holding up a driver’s license.

“Please close your tabs!”

“Oh shit. That’s me.” He said suddenly realizing where his driver’s license was.

As he was calculating the tip he saw Jamie and her father getting into a waiting taxi.

At 3 AM his cell phone rings.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye.” says a small voice on the other end of the line.

“I had to close my tab.”

“Well I just want to tell you that you made my night.”

“Happy Birthday. I’ve gotta get some sleep now.”

“Okay. Are you gonna call me?”

“Uh yeah. What are you doing Friday?”

“Waiting for you to call me.”

“Oh okay. I’ll call you Friday.”

“You promise?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

After work on Friday he follows the directions across town and calls from outside a modest West Hollywood apartment building.

“Hi. I think I found it.” He says.

“You wanna come in for a minute?”

“Well… I’ll have to find parking.”

“Just park in the drive way beside the car with the Jesus bumper stickers.”

“Okay… the movie starts pretty soon… but I can come in for a second.”

Her father meets him at the gate with a cigarette hanging out his mouth.

“Hey man howya doin? Come on in for a minute. You’ll have to excuse the mess we ain’t got a maid or nothin’”

“Oh that’s okay… I don’t have a maid either.”

He gets ushered up to the 2nd floor of the stucco apartment building. Behind the screen door it smells like cigarettes. The TV is on. He stands around nervously eyeing the brown shag carpet. Her dad moves a bunch of Jesus pamphlets out of his chair.

“Well have a seat.”

Niles sits in an office chair near the door. Her dad sits in an armchair in front of the TV. Jamie sits between them.

“You don’t smoke do you?” he says as snubs out one and lights another.

“No.”

“Can I get you a some water or something?” he says.

“No thanks. I’m fine.”

“You never did show me your ID the other night. Can I see it now?” asks Jamie.

“The bartender had it. Here you go.” says Niles as he removes it from his wallet.

Jamie eyes it for a moment and compares it to him then hands it to her dad who does the same before handing it back to him. They don’t even mention the 11-year age difference.

“Oh okay. So where are you kids going tonight?” He inquires.

“Just to see a movie. We’re gonna see that new film about new Johnny Cash.”

Jamie disappears into one of the bedrooms and emerges momentarily with several bags that she places in Niles’ lap.

“Merry Christmas.”

Niles looks somewhat dumbfounded and stares at the bags curiously.

“Well go ahead and open them.” She says.

He opens a small box that contains a gold chain. She puts it around his neck. He moves some more wrapping paper aside in the bag to reveal a gold picture frame containing two photos of Jamie smiling on a beach and a box of orange Tic-Tacs.

“Uh… Thank you.” He says sheepishly.

“Well that movie starts pretty soon. We should probably get going.” says Niles nodding towards the door.

“So are you pretty good at CPR and stuff like that?” says her dad out of the blue.

“Well I guess. I mean… I understand how it works. I mean… I’ve never done it before… but… Wait why are you asking me that?”

“He just wants to make sure you are a good body guard.” Explains Jamie.

“Well we have almost lost her three times now.” Explains her dad.

“What? How? I don’t understand” says Niles.

“Well let me show you the x-rays.” says her dad already getting up.

“Dad!” protests Jamie.

He returns with several large x-rays showing what appears to be Jamie’s spine with many large bending metal rods extending through it.

“I can’t get no god damn doctor to tell me shit. See they said I never would have no kids ‘cause of the agent orange I got exposed to over in ‘Nam but I guess they was wrong ‘cause I had two. Her brother is kinda messed up too but he’s with that crazy bitch of a mother of his in Florida.”

Niles holds one of the x-rays up to the light and compares it to Jamie.

“Does this hurt?” He asks.

“You get used to it. And I take morphine.” She says.

“Do you want to take a pill with you?” Her dad asks.

“No I want to be alert.”

“Don’t let anybody knock her over or anything.”

“I won’t. She’ll be safe.”

“You’re sure? How long are you going to be gone?”

“Just a few hours.” says Niles trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“Well you ready?” says Jamie.

“Mind if I get a picture? It is her first date. Everybody’s been askin’ me when she was gonna start datin’ and I guess it is about time.”

As the flash of a disposable camera goes off Niles ducks awkwardly so his head is not cut off in the photo and tries to give a good smile. Her father walks them out and waves as they drive away.

“Do you think it is bad that people take drugs?” Jamie asks as they are driving down La Cienega Blvd.

“Well no. I mean you have to take them don’t you?”

“It’s really delotid not morphine, I just say morphine because everybody knows what that is. It’s three times stronger than heroin.”

“Yeah I know. They gave it to my friend when she broke her leg.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you take drugs?”

“Sometimes. Mostly I just drink though.”

“Why?”

“Well… I like it. I don’t always get drunk but I enjoy a couple of beers after work or on the weekend.”

“I didn’t like the taste of it. Why do people drink it?”

“That was the first time you ever drank alcohol?” says Niles giggling doubtfully.

“Yes.”

“Hmm. It takes the edge off.” He explains following a long silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Well everybody is a little more relaxed and comfortable with themselves after a drink.” says Niles thinking that he could really use a stiff drink right about now too.

“Where are we?”

“This is Santa Monica.”

They park in a parking garage and start to walk toward the theater.

“This isn’t going to be one of those dates where you take me somewhere and try to have sex with me is it?” says Jamie as they are walking down a dark alley.

“No.” says Niles calmly and without the nervous laugh that he often uses to ease an uncomfortable situation.

“My dad warned me that some guys wine and dine a woman and then take them to a hotel or somewhere and try to have sex with them.”

“Well I have done that. But not tonight.”

Waiting in the line at the box office Jamie mentions that she can usually get a child priced ticket.

“How old does she look?” He asks a pimply-faced kid behind the glass.

“I don’t know. 18?”

“Well at least she looks legal. Two for Walk the Line”

“Two adults?”

“Yes. Two adults.”

He pays for the tickets and they enter the theater. He gets a coke and a large popcorn but all she wants is a bottle of water. As he is buttering the popcorn he accidentally spills a little butter on the side of the bag but pays no mind to it. They enter the darkened partially filled theater and make their way down the aisle.

“Where do you want to sit?” He asks.

“I don’t care. Maybe a little bit closer. Where do you want to sit?”

“How about over there?” He gestures to a row of empty seats near the front with his buttery popcorn and in doing so loses his grip on the whole thing and sends it flying down the aisle.

“Ooops.” He says as a few people in the audience giggle and groan.

He picks up the remaing half of the bucket like he meant to do that and they find some seats. As the movie begins he notices she is looking at him instead of the screen.

“Want some popcorn?”

“You don’t mind?”

“It’s popcorn. It’s for sharing.” He whispers.

“My family doesn’t like to share their popcorn. Germs and stuff.”

“Here take it.”

“Are you one of those people that doesn’t like people to talk during a movie?” She says more loudly as the opening credits scroll off screen.

“Uh yes. Be quiet now.” He says to avoid being shushed by the rest of the audience.

About half and hour into the film he notices she is looking at him again so he takes her hand in his and slouches down in his seat so they are about the same height.

“You okay?” She asks him after about fifteen minutes.

“Sure.”

“You hungry?”

“No.”

“You okay?” She asks him again after another fifteen minutes.

“Yeah.”

“You hungry?”

“No. Are you?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

The film turned out to be rather good. Man defeats drug addiction, loses woman he doesn’t want, gets woman he wants and they make music happily ever after. Niles and Jamie walk out of the theater together and notice the streets are mostly empty now.

“I should get you home. Your dad will be worried about you.”

Niles drives them back on to the freeway that brought them there. He can’t think of anything good to say then he remembers something.

“So you have died three times?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never met anybody who died before... I mean that has come back anyway. How did you die?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Well it could have been from the drugs I was taking or it could have been something with the nerves in my back.”

“What were you doing when it happened?”

“I just turned my head to the side real quick and something happened.”

“Do you remember it?”

“I remember two times. I can’t remember the other time though.”

“Really? What was it like?”

“Well the one time I was asking my dad if I was gonna be okay and like tapping him on the arm while he was looking down at me praying and stuff. And I was like looking down at my body from above like everybody says happens and stuff.”

“Wow.”

“And the other time I woke up and the firemen were all there and they were taking me somewhere and I was like ‘No!’ and I got all scared. Why are you asking me so many questions?”

“I’m sorry that is fascinating to me.”

“How many women have you slept with?” She suddenly retorts.

“A lot.” says Niles nonchalantly.

He would have just as casually rattled off a number but he really has no idea. A hundred nameless, naked, moaning, writhing, women flash through his head in a nanosecond.

“I’ve never been with anyone.” says Jamie.

“I know.”

“So you have been with a lot of women? Like all kinds?”

“Um Yeah.”

“Like Asian ones?”

“Yeah.”

“Black ones?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind do you like best?”

“Blondes.” He laughs and glances at her long blonde hair.

“I don’t like red heads…” she pauses “Does it count if you don’t know what happened?” She asks slowly.

“I think you would know if you lost your virginity.” He says as he considers her small frame.

“There was this police officer that was supposed to be helping us when we first got out here and we were homeless. He slipped something in my drink. I don’t know what happened but he had red hair and there was a red pubic hair in my underwear when I came to. Does that count?”

“That’s fucked up. I mean… I’m sorry… um no it doesn’t count but that’s terrible. Shit I missed your street back there somewhere.” He says as he makes an illegal u-turn.

“Ever since that happened I don’t like anybody with red hair.”

“Not all people are bad.” He says in defense of humanity. “A lot of people are but not everybody. Your story is really sad. I wish that hadn’t happened to you.”

They pull into her driveway and she is getting out of the car before it even stops.

“Hey wait a sec.” He says.

She pauses halfway out the door.

“Come ‘ere.”

He gives her a very gentle hug.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

She jumps out of his truck and runs through the iron gates of the stucco apartments she calls home.

“Fucking-a.” says Niles aloud as he slams his truck into reverse after she has disappeared.